13 Funny Things All Coffee Addicts Do
There are only two types of people in the world – One, those who love coffee, and two, the rest of the people. Very few people realize that coffee is not just a beverage. In fact, coffee is art happening inside a mug. Coffee lovers like to imagine that the rich taste of coffee is what thunder and lightning taste like. If you are a coffee addict, you would know how wonderfully coffee can kick start your day, how it can energize you in the mid-day slump, and if you are brave enough, it can also be a delicious dessert after dinner!
Here are a few funny and relatable things that all coffee addicts do:
1) Not Before My Coffee
There are some people who can wake up, head off on a run, and chug fruit juices with their breakfast. On the other hand, there are the coffee addicts who won’t even greet anybody good morning until they have had their first cup of coffee. If you are one too, you would know that your day literally begins from the first sip of coffee. Before the coffee hits you, you are just a tousled mess that cannot snap out of sleep. Even your yawn is basically a noiseless scream for coffee! Coffee addicts would actually be having t-shirts, mugs, and posters that say “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.”
2) You Don’t Understand Tea
Maybe you are liberal enough to drink both tea and coffee, but when it actually comes to choosing one, if it isn’t coffee that you pick then you are not a coffee addict. Coffee lovers do not understand the‘kick’a tea drinker would have! Coffee, the holy grail of caffeine, is like a jolt that hits you while tea is just spiked water. What’s worse is that they simply cannot wrap their heads around green tea and herbal tea trends, which people supposedly drink instead of coffee. Then there are the staunch coffee lovers who cannot even take a sip of tea because to them it feels like betraying their beloved drink. Seriously, though, how do people survive on only tea?
3) Unexpected Coffee Cafes are the Ultimate Surprise
When you are lost in unknown places and come across a café that emanates the smell of coffee, it feels as though you have been personally blessed by the Gods. In that very moment, you wouldn’t care about being present even in a hostile neighborhood just because you feel so much at home thanks to your Cuppa Joe. Coffee addicts can feel safe around any place that serves coffee. Seemingly, they are not difficult to please!
4) You are VERY Particular About Your Coffee
You know what the regular people think, it’s ‘just’ coffee. But you know exactly about the various blends, the strength of the coffee beans, the effect of roasting, and what part milk is added (or not) to your drink. Your taste buds know the difference between Ethiopian and South American coffee, it can differentiate between a Latte and a Cappuccino. Therefore, nobody can fool you by passing off any weakling as ‘coffee.’ You are a tough crowd and you just cannot be pleased until you have had your coffee just the way you have wanted it!
5) Coffee is What You Seek Even While Travelling
Your Instagram is probably full of photos of the various places you have had coffee. In fact, these photos outweigh the general photos that signify travel, like hills and beaches. The moment you touch down, you are rearing to find the nearest café to try out their coffee. To be fair, coffee is a good conversation starter no matter where you go. Quite often, you also Google the various coffee places right when you are planning your trip, just to be sure that you are not deprived of your usual drink when you are away!
6) Weak Coffee is Your Worst Nightmare
Coffee addicts have a simple rule: The stronger, the better. Hardcore coffee addicts drink their coffee black. They wouldn’t even want any milk or creamer or even a sweetener because it would dilute the goodness of your coffee. However, some like their coffee with milk but even the milk content is limited to a small threshold. Go over that point and all you can taste is frothy milk and the barista will have to bear your wrath of serving you weak coffee. It will literally drive you insane!
7) You Take a Deep Breath Inside Cafes to Judge Their Coffee
You are always the first person to know if a new café is coming up in your locality. Most of the times, you are one of the first customers to go out there and grab a cup! But a seasoned coffee addict trusts their nose and the first thing you do on entering a café is inhale all the air in the room. This helps you assess if the café is good enough to be honored by your presence. Just a whiff of their coffee floating around in the air is potent enough for you to know if it is worth the visit.
8) Your Friends and Lovers Know Where to Invite You
Whether it is casually hanging out with friends or meeting a Tinder Date, you will always pick a coffee place, and why not? Wouldn’t you want to be surrounded by the things and people you love? All the candlelight dinners and fancy lunches pale in comparison to a date in a cozy coffee place. In fact, if a date proposes to meet you at a coffee place, you almost believe that you are already falling in love with that person! Your friends know that if you are a recluse, the best way to get you to meet them would be to invite you to a coffee café or lure you by a cup of coffee. All one needs to do is text you if you are interested in some coffee and you will show up right on time!
9) You Consider Yourself a Coffee Connoisseur and Not a Coffee Addict
Coffee Addict is just a harsh word to use, is it not? Gambling is addiction, drinking could be a problem. What is the worst thing a good ol’ cup of coffee done to call yourself a coffee addict? Surely, you crave coffee almost every single time but at least you don’t feel ants running all over your skin! You prefer a more mild and tasteful title like ‘Coffee Connoisseur.’ You understand the art of coffee preparation and you are always ready to gulp down cups of coffee to show your appreciation for this art.
10) You Cannot Give Up Coffee
Your friend, who is a health freak, has been going on and on about how you should be trying out protein whey or thick smoothies. Even though you are physically listening to him or her, you are still thinking and planning about when you will have your next cup of coffee! You can never imagine waking up to a healthy breakfast smoothie replacing your dark and bitter coffee. You are willing to make a small trade in favor of your favorite beverage. You would rather do that than even imagine a life without coffee!
11) Your Final Goal is Coffee
Unlike other people who wish to earn enough to travel the world or buy the latest expensive gadget, your goals revolve around coffee. You have spent days thinking of how you will buy a coffee machine from your first paycheck. Your ultimate dream is to go to places like Starbucks daily without having to worry about the financial logistics. In fact, success, according to you, is having the capacity to purchase coffee, coffee products, or coffee machines, without having to worry about the price!
12) You Wonder if You Can Hook Up a Coffee IV
You have always wondered about when Science will be advanced enough to enable hooking people up with Coffee IVs. Not to misconstrue it as an attempt to stop people from drinking coffee. This contraption is only valid for an instant coffee fix. In fact, it could be an advancement to add coffee in your body through various means! Imagine having three cups of coffee simultaneously! You would literally have coffee coursing through your veins and nothing screams ‘coffee addict’ louder than that!
13) You Dream of Coffee
Sleep be damned! Coffee is what keeps you up all night and on days when you do manage to sleep, you dream of coffee. You dream of making innovations that revolve around coffee, or the exotic coffees that you will get to taste. You dream about waking up and rushing off to your coffee machine to brew a fresh pot. These dreams can be bizarre, funny, and even scary (think of suddenly realizing that there is no coffee left in the world!) but at the end of the day, they are all about coffee. Some dreams are so captivating that you hate waking up but you do anyway because you know that on waking up, you are one step closer to your next cup of coffee!